i am

right where I need to be. Where I'm supposed to be. Where I didn't, not in a million years, no matter the circumstances, want to be. Where I am content to just be.

Why is it that God has of late been placing me in places I'd never thought I'd be? Let alone be joyous in said geographical locations. (Probably because) little growth comes from easy. And while I feel like Thailand was stretching/painful/painfully joyful process enough, God's focused on the now. And on growing me for the next. I'm thankful that He's not finished. This last month of being home has revealed to me (read "knocked me on my ass about") how embarrassingly easy and natural-feeling it is to fall right back into the flow of how things were. Which is not who I am now. Hence the frustration and disappointment. Thankfully, my limitations don't have any influence over God's illimitable and (this word that I'm coming to adore) unconditional love for me.

I'm not used to love like this. I'm learning. I'm floored. That God takes the time and energy to invest in my growth every single flippin' day. That He is daily deconstructing the "me" that's been built on hurt, on defense mechanisms against further hurt, on lies, on pride, on disillusion. That He is daily showing me the real me. That there is no stagnant, in-between time with the Lord.

This my friends, is going to take some getting used to. And in the meantime (and it is always meantime), when I feel myself losing balance, I'm hoping I'll remember to simply reach out and grab His hand.