And This Much I Know: On Hearing from God

God is good. I'll begin with that.

I am desperately listening for God's voice and direction in my life. Sometimes, it's hard to distinguish whether my doubts are halting a situation I thought was a certainty (grad school), or if it's God closing a door or saying a "not now" to the process. Sometimes, it's hard to distinguish if it's my own excitement spurring me on in a direction (a year long mission trip around the world), or if it's God giving a green light.

Some things God has been teaching me this week via friends and family speaking into my life, words of wisdom from my prayer group, and the voice of the Lord:

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

Wait passionately for God, don't leave the path. He'll give you your place in the sun while you watch the wicked lose it. Psalm 37:34


God goes before us to make a path. Follow Jesus, and you'll find your direction. Take a step of faith at some point - it's easier for God to steer a moving ship. He weighs the motives of our heart. He's not a God of confusion; he leads us well - he's the Good Shepherd. He'll find a way to get us in his plan. God always wants to communicate with us unceasingly. Wait expectantly. Command the lies to leave. Don't doubt in the dark what God has told you in the light. God works out everything for his glory.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure everything out on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Proverbs 3:5-7

We can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:28

You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.  Psalm 37:4-7

Please pray for me as I'm learning to discern the voice of God and make some pretty long-term decisions.

and then God said to me

My sheep recognize my voice. I know them, and they follow me.


John 10:27

Cambodia

I loved this place with all my heart. The food was fantastic, the countryside and temples stunning, and the people unbelievably friendly although quite pushy in selling their wares. The poverty is more in your face than it is in Thailand. There are less motorbikes and more bicycles than in Thailand which made the place feel like it was revolving at a slower pace. 

sunrise over Angkor Wat

Devatas - the Hindu version of guardian spirits

had a cup of coffee and took a bazillion pictures of the sun rising - they all looked exactly the same.

card game anyone?

nature and our walks with her

Ben makes a leaf flag

Ruth: "Look how fat he is."

Abby doesn't want to leave the great outdoors.

Becky's bigger-than-her leaf. Also looks like she found a snack along the way. 

Nathan lasso-ing a tree. 

Ruthie found a "tie dye" leaf to match her shirt. 

"Darts in its execution and direction is dependent on the time in which it lives, and artists are creatures of their epoch. The highest art will be that which in its conscious content presents the thousandfold problems of the day, the art which has been visibly shattered by the explosions of last week ... The best and most extraordinary artists will be those who every hour snatch the tatters of their bodies out of the frenzied cataract of life, who, with bleeding hands and hearts, hold fast to the intelligence of their time."

- Richard Huelsenbeck  "First German Dada Manifesto" 1918

Mushrooms

Overnight, very

Whitely, discreetly,

Very quietly

Our toes, our noses

Take hold on the loam,

Acquire the air.

Nobody sees us,

Stops us, betrays us;

The small grains make room.

Soft fists insist on

Heaving the needles,

The leafy bedding,

Even the paving.

Our hammers, our rams,

Earless and eyeless,

Perfectly voiceless, 

widen the crannies,

Shoulder through holes. We

Diet on water,

On crumbs of shadow,

Bland-mannered, asking

Little or nothing.

So many of us!

So many of us!

We are shelves, we are

Tables, we are meek,

We are edible,

Nudgers and shovers

In spite of ourselves.

Our kind multiplies:

We shall by morning

Inherit the earth.

Our foot's in the door. 

(haven't been able to get this out of my head since i've read it.)

Aristotle was right.

Unsteady, he picked up the phone and dialed the number of his Stanford professor. It was pushing two am. A few rings and then a female voice.

“Is Tom in?” he asked politely, and yes, I think even a touch blithely. 

“No. . . . He’s in Europe, and isn’t it a little late to be calling?” The professor’s wife spoke kindly but didn’t bother to hide the scolding tone that years of experience with people of this sort had taught her.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” he replied, “and I’m terribly sorry now.” And he was. 

But being the good wife and courteous woman that she was and is, she offered, “Would you like me to give him a message?”

“Yes.” In the time it took to speak that one word, the pulse came back into his voice. “Can you tell him: Aristotle was right.” He spoke desperately but firmly. 

The professor was already and would be more worried about him when the wife relayed the student’s message. The professor would not understand, but he would know. 

With this knowledge, our student (who is quite brilliant and whose simple declaration contained a world within) replaced the phone, slid down spine to the wall, until his head pressed upon his knees, and wept. 

nightwalk

the sparkling of a tree accosts our vision,

like city lights viewed from a plane,

it tunnels through our retinas and settles,

faintly glowing even now.

the snail roads are so small

that as they light the way,

they sometimes lose themselves

in the ashy smooth bark.

the sky falls lower, closer, 

breathing on us.

it is a wet paper crumpling and sagging,

vaguely tugging at its seems.

the trees are lit from their leaves,

the veins throbbing with luminescence,

one can almost feel a heat emitted.

moths crash into the dazzle. 

anatomy of an awkward tan

i have become exceedingly good at acquiring really bad sunburns. 

to whom it may concern:

yes, i speak english.

yes, i am an english teacher.

no, NO, i do not want to teach you english. see that whole english teacher/librarian (i'd like to add) business takes up a whole lotta time. 9 hrs a day + homework is quite enough for me. i don't care if you want to pay me, or if you need to pass a hotel hospitality test, or if you're the principal of the school, or how many days in a row you ask. a girl can only do so much before she starts feeling a tingly, panicky, mild insanity. thank you for asking though.

melt

Tonight, I read the younger girls a story about a family. Becky stopped me when I turned to a page with a picture of a mom and daughter and said, "P. Oh-len, you is the mom, and I is your baby." Then she started rubbing my back the way I always do to her and said, "You is the good mom." 

I never knew my heart could feel like this.

E. Dickinson

If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls
And put them each in separate drawers,
until their time befalls.

If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting 'til my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.

If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.

But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin wing,
That will not state its sting.

i like everyone i've ever met from canada (and germany)

but that is neither here nor there. 

Vancouver, B.C. : home of a very pretty coldness